In my journey of rediscovery, which is really turning out to be a whole new discovery journey, and not just REdiscovery, I'm finding myself drawn more and more to a desire for teaching The Word of God. Not just to encourage believers through Counseling and therapy, but to actually Teach God's undiluted Word. The thought excites me. Seeing people get to know and apply The true Word of God in their lives, and to see the difference it can and will make, is increasingly becoming something I really want to do.
I've seen first hand, how not applying The Word right can affect people's lives.
I want to do my part in breaking that cycle.
That's why going to start a Rhema school in Namibia sounds so exciting. I want to teach/preach God's Word. I think I always wanted to do this, but I always felt unworthy. Unworthy because of all I've done, and all I've been through. And so I settled for counseling. I think the feelings of unworthiness started when mom told me I couldn't do ministry. She basically said something like; "how can YOU be called to ministry?". Something in those lines. Which made me feel like there was something seriously wrong with me, and I couldn't be used of God.
Then after I got pregnant, and later ended up sleeping with all those men, I felt even more unworthy.
But I still had the deep, unshakable desire to serve God. The desire was greater than any of my ambitions. And I am QUITE ambitious.
When people would say things like; I can never give up my career for ministry, I'd even get offended and upset with them, coz I couldn't understand that! I would give up ANYTHING for this desire to serve God. I've even recently given up my marriage, because it was stiffling me from being who I felt God created me to be.
What are you holding onto, that is stifling you from being who all God created you to be?
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